Shameful Scars: (Scars Book Three) Read online

  “Can I see it?” I asked. The child frowned and looked down, lost in thought for a moment, and then handed it to me. I inspected it, turning it around in my hand. It radiated a warmth as if it was alive. “Where did you find this?”

  “Bobby is missing, and I found it under his bed.”

  That must be the missing child, I thought. I peered at the branch, then backed away. The child played with his hands like it was a nervous habit.

  “You’re fine. You didn’t do anything wrong,” I said. The boy relaxed.

  Kids got in trouble for everything in these places, and they had always been on high alert, expecting at any moment that they would be punished.

  I plastered the best smile that I could muster on my face. “Thank you.” He grinned.

  I left the room and entered the bathroom, pulling out my phone. “Hey,” James answered.

  “Hey, I need to talk to Andy,” I said, leaning against the wall. I heard shuffling and mumbled voices through the receiver.

  “Hey,” Andrew said.

  “There’s a missing child.”

  “I’m aware. It has been reported,” he replied. “That’s not my department.”

  I bit the inside of my cheek. “This is not normal.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Do you know any trees that glow?”

  Chapter Two

  Gabriel

  Humans walked along the winding path surrounded by tall trees the color of wheat. The hot wind kicked dirt up on the thick cement of the empty ramadas scattered around the park.

  As I strolled along the path, a woman with a high ponytail dashed by. The scent of freshly watered grass did nothing to obscure the stench of trash and asphalt. I continued with my hands tucked in the pocket of my black slacks. I glanced down, examining the grass stain on my pant leg at my ankle. Lucifer had told me to wear jeans, but I could not bring myself to put that dreadful material to my flesh. I scowled. Why did earth have to be so... messy?

  Cars zoomed along the cracked city streets, and I cringed at the sound of tires screeching. I hated everything about this place. I just wanted to go home. The day I was shoved out of the gates of paradise flashed through my mind. Father had been furious. Not only had I defied his orders and tracked down my brother’s son, but I also hurt several people in my pursuit. The shame of my unrelenting rage left regret heavy in my stomach.

  I committed unholy acts, and I was still surprised that my brother had forgiven me. Lucifer was almost as unyielding as Father, but something had changed during his time on Earth, and I could not place what it was. The others had not forgiven so easily. James and Andrew, although reluctantly, accepted me. That girl they called Hayley had not. Her enraged glares still lingered on my skin, threatening to burn me alive.

  You want it.

  I shook my head and headed towards the parking lot.

  Something rustled behind me. I narrowed my eyes and turned, preparing myself for a battle. I looked around in confusion, finding nothing. An odd sound caught my attention, and I looked down. A cat jumped out of a bush, its yellow slitted eyes focusing on me. It studied me curiously as I glared back. Its fur was short and the same dingy gray of the faded asphalt. It opened its mouth, revealing tiny, sharp canines. It whined, inching closer as it studied me.

  I shifted back. “Go away.” It whined again and continued its advance. I clenched my jaw as it moved under me, rubbing itself against my leg. A gentle vibration traveled up my leg, and I froze. I moved my leg, gently kicking it away, but it came back. I shoved it away a little harder and turned and walked away, hoping it would not follow.

  Adam’s condominium towered over the busy street. When the crosswalk signal lit up, I crossed the road. An elderly woman stepped out of the building as I came up, and I walked in after her.

  When I reached Adam's front door, I entered the condo using the key Lucifer gave me in case of emergency. The sun cascaded off the navy-blue couch pressed up against the large window. In one corner, there was a flat screen TV and across from it was the kitchen, designed with an open floor plan with modern stainless-steel appliances and a breakfast bar. I exhaled a breath, taking comfort in the order that Adam kept his—their home. It was probably the main good quality about the man.

  A strange sound echoed down the hallway. I closed the door behind me, almost tripping over the cat. “Damn you! I told you to go away!” I growled. It yowled in response. The strange sounds continued, and I grimaced and walked away from the infernal creature. The closer I got to Adam’s room the louder the sound got. Is that moaning? I thought.

  I stopped in front of the bedroom door and a long moan drifted out. Lucifer. I wrinkled my forehead and reached for the knob. I probably should not be doing this, but I had to make sure my brother was alright. He sounded like he was dying. Slowly, I opened the door.

  When I peeked into the room, I spotted Lucifer on the bed naked with Adam on top of him. He had his legs wrapped around Adam’s bare waist and was clawing at his back like a wild animal. His long brown hair fanned across the pillow. His thin lips were parted, and his prominent brow wrinkled.

  I tensed as I watched him lose himself in ecstasy, the noises he made growing ever louder. Sweat trailed down Adam’s wide frame, glistening against his deep brown skin as he thrust against Lucifer. “More,” Lucifer gasped as if he had been running a marathon. Adam complied, forcing the headboard into the wall with a loud thunk. The two men slid together, never losing eye contact.

  Can we not just enjoy our time together?

  I want you inside of me, dearest.

  Very well...

  I scowled and pushed away the memory. What was Lucifer doing? This was so unlike him. Never before had Morning Star allowed himself to be dominated by another.

  He really had changed.

  The cat yowled next to me. Adam and Lucifer froze at the same time I did. They both looked back. Adam’s eyes grew wide, and Lucifer’s sweat stained face remained indifferent yet aroused. I did not expect him to care one way or another. Modesty was not something we entertained. Adam on the other hand looked like he wanted to disappear.

  Humans are ridiculous.

  Adam jumped up and covered himself with the sheet. His lips were set in a thin line even though they were large, and his brown eyes burned with anger. “What the hell are you doing in here?” he asked. Lucifer pulled himself up and scooted off the bed. He walked over to Adam, paying no mind to his obvious arousal, and yanked him down for a kiss. Adam visibly relaxed, and my brother turned and came to me. “Get out, Gabriel,” he said. I studied him and glanced behind him, catching Adam glaring at me.

  “Are you engaging in coitus?” I asked.

  Adam groaned, dragging his hand down his face. “Don’t ever say that again.”

  Lucifer chuckled. I did not know what was so amusing. I glared. “Just go. We will discuss this later,” he said.

  Without letting me answer, he gently shoved me out the door, closing it behind me.

  I could hear Adam’s grumpy protests through the door. “They killed the mood.” My chest tightened. Another good quality of Adam’s was his acceptance of my pronouns. Actually, everyone in the group had simply accepted my non-binary identity without question—unlike my other brother Raphael.

  Moments later, his words shifted into groans of pleasure. I scrunched my face and turned, walking back into the living room. The cat hopped onto the breakfast bar as I slid onto the stool, leaning my elbows on the counter.

  I began to ponder what I had just seen. I was not ignorant of the pleasures of the body. I had experienced them several times in my life. It was not a horrible experience, but I was not looking forward to doing it again, either. From what I saw, Lucifer did not feel the same. The look of pure desire in his eyes was... it made me uncomfortable, and I was not sure why.

  Not right now.

  Dearest if you love me you would…

  When they finally came out of the room, Adam looked at me with a tinge of red on his
cheek. Lucifer walked over. “What do you need?”

  “Nothing. I was just returning from a walk.”

  Adam glared. “Really? You couldn’t have just called?”

  “I did not think of that,” I replied, annoyed by the questions. I could see my brother whenever I wanted. It was not like he was ever at the apartment. Instead, he spent Adam’s off-hours with him.

  Lucifer ran his hand through his hair with a heavy sigh. “In the future, just call.” I frowned. Lucifer patted my shoulder. “You cannot just walk into other people’s houses like that.”

  I glanced back at Adam whose gaze had softened. “Very well.” I had no desire to see them tangled in each other’s limbs again.

  Adam moved over behind Lucifer, pulling him closer. Lucifer sighed and squeezed the other man’s hand that was wrapped around his waist. I stared at where they were joined. When I realized how long I had been staring I looked back up. Adam sat his chin on Lucifer’s shoulder.

  The cat yowled, reminding me of its presence. Lucifer and Adam looked at it. I glanced back as it sat at the edge of the bar, its thin tail swaying behind it. Adam walked past me and rubbed its head. It nudged at his hand, purring loudly. “Where did you come from, little buddy?”

  “The infernal thing followed me,” I replied.

  The cat jumped down off the bar, walked over to me and started to rub itself against my leg. Adam returned to Lucifer’s side and chuckled. “It likes you.”

  I backed away, glaring down at it. “Well, I do not like it.”

  Adam walked over and picked the cat up. “You need to learn how to be nicer.” He patted the cat's head as it purred in his arms.

  I turned back to my brother. “Can we go now?”

  Lucifer exhaled and came up behind Adam. “I will take Gabriel home.”

  Adam nodded. “Are you coming back later tonight?”

  Lucifer smiled with warmth. “Always.”

  Adam grinned, leaned down and kissed my brother, pulling away quickly. Lucifer whined softly, but shook it off so quickly. If I had not been watching, I would have missed it. The cat leapt from Adam’s arms and sat next to me at my feet. My brother cleared his throat and turned back to me. “Let us depart.” He turned back to Adam. “I love you.”

  A bright smile spread across Adam’s face. “I love you more.” Lucifer smiled, and his white wings burst from his back, iridescent against the sun’s rays. They towered over us in their heavenly glory, the mark of our place at Father’s side.

  You lost that. I clenched my jaw at the memory. My pursuit of revenge and utter hatred for my brother and his son had ended in the loss of my wings. Even now my back tingled from the memory of my lost appendages and the lightness left behind.

  Feathers curled around us, and the room faded to black.

  When Lucifer unwrapped his wings, we stood in the studio apartment. We did not speak, and the silence was deafening. The dripping of the tarnished kitchen faucet began to set me on edge. I walked to it, trying to turn it off, but it was futile.

  After a silent curse, I moved to the chair in the kitchen and sat down, crossing my legs. The cat bounded over to me, jumping into my lap. I considered pushing it off but decided against it. It nudged my hand. I rolled my eyes again and ran my hands over its fur. It was soft. Almost as soft as my wings were. I tensed and looked over at Lucifer as his wings folded into his back.

  He turned to me and walked over. “What is wrong?” I looked away, uncomfortable in the intensity of his appraisal. “You miss your wings,” he said, not as a question, but a statement. I did not respond. “Father is not cruel. At least not very. He will return them one day,” he said. I did not want to speak of my humiliation. I had sinned, and I was paying for it. Was that not enough? I shifted in the chair, the memory of my wings plucked from my back in a mix of blood and flesh. My skin was tender, even now, from the force of Father’s power. He did not use it often these days, so I had forgotten how powerful he truly was.

  I would not forget again.

  “Why were you having sexual intercourse with that man?” I asked, wanting to steer the subject somewhere else.

  Lucifer blinked. “I wanted to.”

  My shoulders relaxed, and I looked down. “He was on top of you.”

  “Yes.”

  “He was holding you down.”

  “I wanted him to.”

  “Why?” I leaned back in my seat.

  “It feels good.”

  “That did not look like it felt good. You sounded like you were in pain.”

  Lucifer chuckled. “I was not.” I studied him for a moment as he seemed to drift off to another place.

  The part of this that bothered me was that when Lucifer gazed at Adam, it was as if my brother saw him as his home. How could that be? He had a home and that was with Father. Lucifer had been banished for his sin millennia ago, but this was not his home.

  As if he could read my thoughts, Lucifer walked over to the other chair and sat down, turning towards me. “He is my home.”

  “Your home is with Father,” I said, narrowing my eyes at him. I didn’t understand any of this.

  “Yes, it was. Not now. My home is with James and Adam.” I opened my mouth to speak and closed it, sensing the finality in his words. It would do no good to argue with him. I scoffed and turned away, looking down at the cat. It met my gaze.

  I wish I could just go home.

  “All of this is new. You will become accustomed,” Lucifer said.

  “I do not wish it.” I knew it was childish to complain. I was banished. There was no way out of it, but the hopelessness was suffocating, making me feel things that were inconvenient.

  “I know.”

  My skin grew hot. Why did he always have to be so... so? I jumped up from the chair, pushing the cat off my lap and storming towards the patio doors. I wanted him to desire home as I did. At one time he had; until Adam came into his life.

  Lucifer moved up behind me. I turned, almost growling at the glimmer of sympathy in his eyes.

  “Give it time,” he said. I grunted and turned back to the doors.

  The sun had already set and bathed the patio in shadow. The air conditioner kicked on, filling the room with the sound of rushing air. I balled my hands at my side, trying to quell the emotional turmoil inside me, as Raphael’s voice drifted through my mind.

  Emotions are for the weak, brother.

  I am not your brother.

  Then what are you? My sister?

  I am your sibling.

  Whatever you say, brother.

  I winced at the invading memory. At my feet, the cat rubbed up against my leg, purring at me. I knelt to pick it up, and it purred, nudging its head against my chin. I turned to Lucifer who watched me with concern. I opened my mouth to reassure him I was well. A lie, yes, but I did not want to speak of this any longer.

  Before I could force the words out, a loud ringing filled the room, and Lucifer pulled his phone out of his pocket, glancing at the screen first. A warm smile spread across his face. I peered at the screen. James.

  “Hello,” he said into the receiver. I heard muffled voices as Lucifer frowned. He did not say anything for a minute. I leaned against the glass door, watching and waiting. “We will be there,” he finally said before ending the call. He looked at me. “We have to go.”

  I nodded, pushing off the door.

  Chapter Three

  Hayley

  I looked out the window at the dark streets outside of Jamie and Andy’s home. The double doors creaked, and I looked back as Jamie entered the kitchen. “He’s on his way,” he said, brushing a lock from his face and putting it behind his ear. I nodded.

  After talking with Andy, Jamie called Lucy over. I didn’t think we needed him. We had Andy and his partner, but Jamie convinced me that he might know what was going on, so I reluctantly agreed. I just hoped Gabriel wasn’t coming, too.

  Jamie walked over to the stainless-steel refrigerator and grabbed a bottled water. He chug
ged it and then grabbed two more one, placing one on the island with a faux marble top. He threw away the empty bottle and walked over, handing me the other.

  “Thanks,” I said, smirking at him the best I could.

  “It will be alright.”

  It still amazed me how much he could read me these days. In the beginning of our relationship, he didn’t even know what he wanted. Being with Andrew and reconnecting with his father had been what he needed. I couldn’t be happier for him. I just wish he would stop listening to my thoughts. “I’m fine.”

  He arched a brow, and his eyes shimmered a brilliant white like the moon just outside. I turned, not wanting to continue the conversation. “I’m here if you want to talk,” he said.

  I bit the inside of my cheek, trying to push away the emotions that threatened to overwhelm me. I was worried. I didn’t know the kid, Bobby, but I felt a kinship to him in the way only a foster home kid would. I didn’t know if he was dead or alive and not knowing was the worst part. I couldn’t do anything.

  You’ll fail them.

  I exhaled a shaky breath and turned back as large white wings appeared and spread, revealing Lucy and...Gabriel. I scowled at the sight of them. They met my gaze instantly.

  Goosebumps rose on my skin, and suddenly I wanted to get out of Gabriel’s sight as quickly as possible. Those white eyes, intensified by the ebony of their skin and plump lips framed by high cheekbones, gave them an androgynous appearance. They were... were... I hated them.

  “What are they doing here?” I asked, my eyes trailing along their deep mahogany skin. Why is the room so tense all of a sudden? I thought as I held my ground, refusing to show any weakness. Unease crawled along my skin. My nerves must be shot. Why was I so aware of them?

  From the corner of my eye, I saw Jamie sigh and share a look with his father. He turned back to me. “Gabriel might know something, too.”

  I nearly growled. “We don’t need them.”